A Groovy Kind of Love

Becoming part of a blended family has been one of the most challenging, emotional, and rewarding journeys of my life. One moment, I was a single, child-free professional living a carefree, impulsive life. The next, I was a step-mum to two young girls. Everything changed.

For me, it was a path filled with unknowns—trial, error, and a great deal of hope. In many ways, my naivety was an advantage. I didn’t fully understand what I was stepping into, so I simply moved forward and dealt with each moment as it came. I had no preconceived ideas about how our family life would unfold. I didn’t expect love to develop instantly—or even at all. I just showed up, wholeheartedly.

I was fortunate. My husband, the girls' biological father, is an exceptional parent—present, consistent and deeply engaged. He set clear boundaries and roles and I followed his lead. The respect and love he showed me as his wife set the tone for how my stepdaughters viewed and treated me. We were a team from the start, and today, I can confidently say that they see us as one—a unified partnership.

I truly believe that without his support and leadership, we wouldn't have built the close, connected, loving family we have today. I also recognise the impact of timing: my stepdaughters were very young when I came into their lives. They don’t remember life before this family dynamic, which made my transition into their world easier. In fact, they now find it strange to imagine things were ever different.

I know many people stay in unhappy or dysfunctional relationships “for the sake of the kids”—waiting until they’re older, or even grown. Now, I’m certainly no expert, but from what I’ve seen, leaving sooner—once it's clear that the relationship is unsustainable—can be a kinder, healthier path. In our case, ending things earlier meant the girls were spared the ongoing distress of a toxic environment. I believe that two happy, separate parents are far better than one unhappy, united household.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned on this journey, is to never try to force a “mother” role. Stepchildren already have a mother. I was just myself, and I allowed them to decide how our relationship would grow. If the girls define my role as that of a mother and choose to see me in that light, then that’s the role that I accept and that is how I will show up for them. Our bond formed naturally and gradually and I’m so proud of the unique relationship we’ve built.

I believe that family isn’t defined by blood. It’s defined by love and care—by the choices we make to show up for each other. When a stepchild opens their heart to you, it’s not out of obligation or tradition. It’s a conscious decision. They don’t have to say “I love you" or turn to you for comfort, advice, or laughter. But when they do—when they choose you—it’s profound.

That kind of love is rare. It’s real. It’s deep. And it’s worth every moment of patience. Because a love that is chosen—not inherited—is one of the most powerful connections there is.