Not All Mums Are Good : Not All Step-Mums Are Evil

As a step-mum to two young girls, I grew frustrated at the lack of books, movies and portrayal in society of happy step-families.  Media and available resources tended to still focus on the traditional family makeup of a biological mum and dad and two or three children – give or take a dog.

I experienced first-hand, my step-daughter’s bewilderment at how step-mums were, more often than not, portrayed as cold-hearted, jealous or even outright cruel, when their reality was the complete opposite.  Not having a family model they could latch onto and resonate with has sometimes been particularly difficult.  Hence, the creation of Lulu La Ru!

But here’s the truth: it’s 2025 and blended families are everywhere. We are no longer the exception—we’re part of the new norm. And most of us step-mums aren’t evil villains lurking in the shadows. We’re showing up. We’re loving. We’re contributing hugely to the wellbeing and success of our families whilst navigating complex emotional terrain with grace (or at least trying to). Bottom line: we are doing the work!  So, why are we still vilified?

Stories shape culture. For decades—centuries, even—media has leaned into the drama of the "evil stepmother" trope. It’s easy shorthand: conflict, resentment, a woman who threatens the child's bond with their "real" parent. It’s lazy storytelling, but it's stuck. Even modern media often fails to give step-mums full, nuanced identities. We're either controlling, overstepping boundaries or awkward outsiders.

Rarely do we see what it’s actually like: juggling our own emotions while supporting children through theirs. Being a consistent, steady presence even when we’re unsure where we stand. Loving them fiercely, even when it’s not always reciprocated.

In the real world, step-mums are teachers, nurses, caregivers, chauffeurs, cheerleaders, therapists, and bedtime story readers. We're forging relationships that don't come with blueprints. We're creating family from scratch—sometimes with resistance, sometimes with warmth, always with effort.

Many of us step into these roles not to replace anyone, but to add love to the mix. To provide another layer of care and support. Yet we often feel like we have to work twice as hard for half the recognition—and sometimes, with judgment thrown in just for trying.

Society needs to catch up with reality. Families look different now. They are diverse, blended, chosen. And step-mums are not a monolith—we are as varied as any other group of women. Some of us are full-time parents, others part-time; some have great co-parenting relationships, others are navigating conflict; some have close bonds with our step-kids and others are still building trust.

What we all share is this: we're showing up. Often without the roadmap, sometimes without thanks, but always with intention. We deserve to be seen for who we truly are—not caricatures, not interlopers, but vital, loving parts of our families.

So to fellow step-mums reading this, I know the tightrope walk you do between loving and letting go, between setting boundaries and blending in. I know the late-night doubts and the small wins that no one else notices. I know how much you give.

And to everyone else: maybe it’s time to stop telling little girls that the step-mum is the villain—and start telling everyone that love makes a family, not biology. Maybe it’s time to rewrite the fairy-tale.